“Only you can decide what breaks you” by Churnika

“Only you can decide what breaks you” by Churnika - October 2025 Scholarship Essay

In A Court of Thorns and Roses, Feyre’s journey taught me a lesson I now carry in my own life: “Only you can decide what breaks you.”

At first, the quote seemed dramatic, but it became my mantra during my toughest times. Even if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change anything, because my struggle shaped who I am today.

After a simple fall in third grade, trouble eating, nausea, and a constant feeling of something stuck in my throat began. Despite numerous medications, nothing worked. Like human Feyre, who was captured by the cruel faerie queen of Prythian and forced Under the Mountain to complete deadly tasks where failure meant death, I faced a challenge that felt impossible, and no one around me could fully understand it.

Only after an endoscopy did doctors finally discover that I had Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). But the relief of a diagnosis was short-lived: GERD has no cure. Feyre’s feeling of being trapped in the Spring Court after escaping Under the Mountain, despite seeming safe with her lover Tamlin, mirrors how I felt constrained by my diagnosis, limited in what I could eat and how I could live.

By junior year, I was caught in a cycle of false recoveries and painful relapses. I lost weight, missed weeks of school, and barely ate. I told my mom, “I don’t think I can be a doctor anymore, Amma.”

But my parents never gave up on me. Their persistence led us to a compassionate gastroenterologist who prescribed three simple medications. Within a month, I gained 20 pounds and was eating foods I thought I could never eat again. Together, my parents and the gastroenterologist became like the found family Feyre discovers in the Night Court, providing guidance, empowerment, and a chance to regain control after she left the Spring Court.

With that, I stopped asking “why me” and started asking “what now.” Like Feyre, who ultimately faces a war in Prythian and makes a choice to protect the innocent, I chose to transform my struggles into purpose by becoming a pediatric gastroenterologist who treats the child behind the illness.

This drive sparked my curiosity to learn more about gastrointestinal diseases, so when the opportunity arose, I applied to the Harvard OpenBio Student Research Institute.

At SRI, I authored a 15-page review comparing Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Unlike IBD, IBS shows no visible inflammation and is often dismissed as “just stress.” I aimed to highlight the psychological causes behind IBS, like gut-brain dysfunction, to ensure patients weren’t ignored simply because nothing shows on a scope, something I experienced firsthand. What began as a curiosity about my own condition grew into a strong desire to help others.

Ultimately, my illness, like Feyre’s trials, taught me that obstacles are not verdicts but invitations to persist. It’s a mindset I will carry into medicine, where chronic conditions demand not just scientific innovation but compassion and resolve.

So yes, GERD changed my life, but I chose how. Now, I see purpose, not obstacles.

Because, like Feyre, I decide what breaks me, and I’ve already decided it won’t.