Failure to Achievement by Gianna

Failure to Achievement by Gianna - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

Strange to sit back and think that I have struggled with anxiety and self esteem issues when I grew up alongside an older brother with Autism who seemed to confidently and effervescently take on school, employment, and independent living on a college campus.

In the shadow of his obvious external disability, I grappled with internal pains that had an unidentifiable source. It was like looking in a mirror; our structure was reversed. I was an anxiety ridden cheerleader, thriving in social environments, and Homecoming dances, while my brother carried an inner calm, yet idiosyncratic exterior.

Perhaps that is why I have chosen to pursue a Biology Major with a Psychology Minor.

Be honest, when you read that, what did you think? Stereotypically, most immediately create images of plants and dissecting animals when thinking of a biologist.

We all tend to stereotype, just as we do when encountering people. The cheerleader is beautiful, smiles, and laughs; so, of course is secure with herself. The boy with Autism is quiet with a serious demeanor, so must struggle with courage.

When the reality is, Biology is the study of living organisms and their responsiveness to the environment, their growth, and change, amongst other characteristics. A psychology major examines the science of human behavior and mental processes. This includes the study of the mind, the brain, and human and animal social interactions.

The mirror is a perfect representation of life sometimes. The image you see in the mirror is NOT what everyone else sees. The reflection you see in the mirror is a REVERSED IMAGE of how you appear to the world, and to the camera. This symbolism is best reflected in the book, Fahrenheit 451 by Rad Bradbury or Mirror Image by Lena Coakley . Mirrors in these books are symbols of self-understanding; symbolizing the inner struggle people have with finding their identity, and their place in the world. Mirror Image is an allegorical tale about a girl on a journey to find her true identity.

My first step to finding my own identity was the inspiration received by my competitive cheerleading coach, Gina Alatzakis, who helped me gain confidence and change my mindset from negative to positive. Gina helped me see my true potential and feel important which also prompted accepting a diagnosis of Anxiety Disorder, allowing professional intervention to promote much needed self-growth.

This turning point in my life is best described by Henry David Thoreau, Maturity is when all of your mirrors turn into windows. I became more transparent, more honest with myself and those around me. At 18 years old, I understood the definition of vulnerability for the very first time. Like the study of biology, I responded to the outside stimuli and changed accordingly while the psychological response permitted my mind to relax and accept the transcending reality.

I now attend the University of Tennessee-Knoxville with an ultimate goal of becoming a Physical Therapist through my biology and psychology degrees. I am involved in the Delta Zeta sorority and will often do volunteer work with them. Last year, I spent three hours cleaning up the Tennessee River (one of the most polluted rivers in the country) and we collected over 100 pounds of trash! We also hold two fundraisers a year to raise money and awareness for speech and hearing. I have found that giving back to the community and making an impact that I can see first-hand is extremely gratifying and personally fulfilling.

This overall journey has opened my eyes well beyond my reflection in the mirror. It has given me the passion and desire to travel, meet new people, and experience new cultures; something I never dreamed possible with an anxiety disorder.

It is said that objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, and when seeing my reflection up close - I am proud to say, I really like that girl!