Crashing in with Confidence by Kayli

Crashing in with Confidence by Kayli - December 2016 Scholarship Essay

Entering the halls of the newly-built structure, I found my small, freshman-self being frightened. I found myself wondering if teachers let students exit their prison cells or if the homework they assign really makes students cry. In addition to starting the school year in an unfamiliar building; having new teachers; and being enrolled in more difficult classes, I soon found myself terrified of the upperclassmen. They were huge! Some of them would try and talk to me and ask for my opinions on various topics, some controversial and others not. In those situations, I fear would settle over my entire being, convincing me that if I really did state my opinion, they wouldn’t like me. When they asked, I would answer either vaguely or not at all. Although I did have opinions, I convinced myself that they didn’t matter.
Sophomore year I was on the cross country team. However, after sustaining an injury the previous year, I served as manager for that season. As the season went by, I watched my classmates beating their personal records and having a great time. During practices I would sit in our coach’s office, entering the team’s times for the recent workouts. At times it was difficult to forget that my friends were running while I was busy clicking away at a computer. Although I was technically part of the team, I didn’t feel like it. I put in immense effort for the team, spending large amount of time entering data, organizing team pictures, or timing at the races. Although my efforts weren’t always appreciated, I learned to be content with quietly working in the background.
Junior year I was enrolled in AP Calculus. I’ve always liked math for as long as I could remember and two of my close friends were also enrolled so I decided it could be fun. On one of the first days of class I decided that I to come in during our study hour to seek assistance from my teacher. When I arrived in her classroom I noticed that four of the more popular students in my grade had also came in for help. I was very shy at the time, and very intimidated by all four of the people seated in the desks behind me. However, before I knew what was happening, the tallest blonde in the group asked me about an AP problem. At first I was stunned. Why is he asking me? Doesn’t he know I’m shy?! However, before I knew it I was having a teaching session with the group; the very people who I had been intimidated of for as long as I could remember. After helping them, I proceeded to ask for help from my teacher. I’ve never liked asking teachers questions, always dreading having to inconvenience them. She, however, was very willing to assist me, despite my reluctance to ask for help. During that short hour, I had been forced to swallow both my fear and my pride. As the day continued, I fought the anxiety threatening to take me over.
Currently, I am well into my senior year. English 101 has proven easier than I expected in many ways, however not entirely. One of our assignments was to prepare for a debate. My team’s topic was “ethical stem cell research”. The two other girls on my team and I felt very prepared, despite being well aware our view wasn’t the popular opinion. One of my roles in the debate was providing our introduction. I was ready; I felt calm, but then I started talking. My words refused to come out in audible phrases. I started shaking and I couldn’t stop shifting my weight from side to side. After I finished and sat down, I felt simply awful about my performance. Although I knew what to say, the words wouldn’t form. However, Instead of acknowledging defeat, I decided that I would calm down and try to work to overcome my nervousness. When it was our turn to speak again, I wasn’t nervous this time. The girl who merely five minutes previous was shaking in her sneakers now spoke with confidence and sounded intelligent. The words exited my mouth with poise, I was proud of how I composed myself so quickly. Although we didn’t win the debate in the eyes of our peers, I personally experienced a small victory that day.
On many occasions, success is perceived as this desirable thing that is achievable only through perfection. However, what we often don’t hear about is the turmoil these well-known individuals experienced before accomplishing the great things they have. Between freshman and senior year, I went from a place of little confidence in myself to being able to stand up in front of twenty other honors students and present my opinion, despite the fact that it was widely opposed. Throughout my high school career, I have realized that having confidence can completely change the way my work, my opinions, and my personality is viewed. In scholarship competitions; internships; and interviews, having confidence can make a significant difference. Intelligence is needed to understand mathematics; confidence is needed to teach the knowledge. While it may be true that I could have accomplished many endeavors while staying within the glass walls of my comfort zone, the moment I shattered them and gained confidence is when I began to thrive.