The Aspirations of a Recovering Perfectionist by Mariah

The Aspirations of a Recovering Perfectionist by Mariah - August 2025 Scholarship Essay

Music Theory was the class that finally helped me to see beyond a grade. I truly struggled in this class. At the end of the course, the teacher’s assistant told me something that shocked me: he hadn’t checked his grades in the past two years. The only indication that he did well in his studies was when he passed the classes. He pressed that constantly worrying about my grades would make me miserable, and that aiming for understanding, regardless of a grade, is much more important. It is a more attainable goal and saves you from much heartache. My biggest aspiration for this upcoming school year is to learn for the sake of learning because it stifles my perfectionism and allows me to focus on my vocational obligations as a student. I am motivated by the lessons I learned during my freshman year of college, and I hope to carry these aspirations with me beyond my college career, as a lifelong learner.

My biggest aspiration for the school year is to learn for the sake of learning. Perfectionism is something that I have struggled with for a good, long while. I made straight A’s in high school, maintained a 4.0 GPA, and graduated in the top of my class. I wore these achievements like a badge of honor. I expected college to be difficult, but when I sat down in Music Theory, a subject I had little background in, I quickly realized just how difficult it would be. Music theory was the hardest class I have ever taken. I had never experienced a situation where I was so confused, I didn’t even know what notes I should take. I was anxious to go to class every day and embarrassed to participate in group work. It was like a punch to the gut after our first quiz scores were released and a big, fat F was staring me in the face. I mourned the loss of my grades, my beautiful, perfect A’s. I wept and worried for my scholarships. This had never happened to me before. I had always been able to grasp a concept eventually. But college was a completely different ballgame. In fact, I was in another stadium. In order to begin understanding, I needed to humble myself and ask for help from my professor as well as my classmates who understood better. It was difficult for me, but once I began swallowing my pride and started learning for understanding, I began to make strides. And once the puzzle pieces started clicking into place, music theory wasn’t something that I dreaded when I woke up in the morning, it was something I actually enjoyed. I realized that as long as I was doing my best and understanding the information in front of me, I didn’t need an A. I would make progress without one.

I hope to learn for the sake of learning because it allows me to prioritize my vocational obligations as a student. Vocation is an important value at my college. It is one’s calling, and it changes in different stages of life. At this point, my calling is to be a student and to learn what I can. When I look back on high school, I find I remember virtually nothing from my favorite classes. Getting good grades was a strategy, something I have often referred to as the “learn and purge method.” I was encouraged to memorize information and learn to the next test. After the assessment was over, I would purge my brain of this information and make room for the next set of data I needed to memorize. This leads to short term understanding and less active learning. This standard requires greater time and energy spent, and makes the learning process less enjoyable. While you may know the information, you haven’t necessarily understood it, and you are only fulfilling a part of your vocational obligation. But when you separate knowing something from seeking comprehension, you open yourself up to a more vibrant and exuberant world. You can experience all subjects, all majors, and every small joy with new eyes and in a life-giving way, when you perceive your scholarly pursuits as your calling. Knowing something is easy. It’s spending time with a subject, one that you may not excel at right away, pouring over it, discovering the bits and pieces you never knew before, and coming out with comprehension, that’s difficult. It is a risk to admit you don’t fully understand. But when you take the leap, your education becomes invaluable and your vocation becomes something of great importance.

I was quickly humbled my freshman year of college. Looking back, I realize that I didn’t like school, I liked the praise. It wasn’t my job; it was an opportunity to prove my worth. But, being encouraged to strive for understanding over grades was eye opening. It allowed me to view my academic pursuits not as a nine to five, back breaking job, but as a vocation, a calling. Prioritizing being a student and learning for the sake of learning, takes all the unnecessary pressure off. It also makes academics more enjoyable. Classes become less of a burden or a chore and become an opportunity to gain knowledge and comprehension. I hope to learn for the sake of learning this school year, and for the rest of my life.