From Hiding to Helping by Nichelle

From Hiding to Helping by Nichelle - December 2024 Scholarship Essay

“Can I use the bathroom?” My teachers were used to me asking that question after they finished passing out graded tests or quizzes. The genderfluid bathroom by the 20s buildings was where I’d find myself test after test, quiz after quiz, texting my mom about my consistently low scores. She would try to make me feel better by saying, “It’s okay, mija, one test doesn't define you, I love you.” But in my mind, it did. If I scored high, it meant that I finally fit in like everyone else, but if I scored low it meant I was “dumb” and didn't belong at the same competitive private school as my peers.
Transitioning to a predominantly white institution from a diverse public school during 7th-grade was the greatest challenge of my young life. Competing against predominantly White and Asian students from high-income families was intimidating. Not only was the transition challenging because of the new environment, but it seemed as if everyone already had their friend groups set in place and I was the black sheep. I constantly questioned if I was good enough and compared myself to every classmate, causing me to feel as if I was stuck at the bottom of a hole that was dug by my insecurities, overthinking, and feelings of being an outcast.
Looking back now, I wouldn’t change a thing, because every challenge helped shape me into the person I am today—but I didn’t go through it alone. During my free periods and after school I worked with my math teacher, Ms. Martin. As I dedicated my time to improving my math grade, as a bonus I found a safe space with my math teacher and other students who were striving to improve their grade. As time went on, Ms.Martin would remind me that everyone's journey is different and just because I didn't understand math as quickly as my fellow classmates didn't mean I was less than. By hearing these comforting and reassuring words from her and going to tutoring I was able to build my confidence not only in my math skills but in myself. This confidence extended beyond academics, whether it was on the basketball court, running through the streets of La Canada during cross-country practice, or pushing myself on the track, my growing confidence helped me expand my social circle and feel more connected in my school’s community.
At the same time, I discovered my purpose; supporting students of color and helping prospective students of color find their place at my school. I wanted to make sure they knew they were not alone, just as Ms.Martin had done for me. I took the initiative to become an ambassador for prospective families of color and was an active panel member where I talked about my journey and what I liked about my community. At the end of one of my panels I was greeted by many parents thanking me for sharing my experience at my school and being vulnerable. One mother’s words stuck out to me: “Hearing your experience made us feel like our daughter could thrive here.” In that moment I knew that I was making a lasting impact on these families of color and advocated that private schools weren't just reserved for high-income families. In this role, I help families of color see that, while students of color may be the minority, they still have equal access to the same opportunities and resources to achieve their goals, regardless of their background. Today, I am no longer the girl who hides in the bathroom. Instead I am a confident young woman who seizes any opportunity that comes her way and strives to create an inclusive and supportive environment for all students.