Crying Session by Prina

Crying Session by Prina - April 2019 Scholarship Essay

English was always my strongest subject in school; mostly because I had only gotten simple, basic work I understood. However, on August 8th, 2017 everything changed. After two years of honors English, I transitioned into an AP Language and Composition class my junior year and received my first assignment. The class was assigned to do an individual, one paragraph analysis on “Andrew Jackson’s Speech to Congress on Indian Removal.”
The students would get graded on a 0-9 (no success- effective) AP grading scale. I was determined to get the best score my first try. I ended up working from 6PM to 3AM. I was mentally exhausted; my hands were shaking from the toil of writing; my eyes felt teary, although unsure if it was from the exhaustion or if I just wanted to give up; and my heart was unstable because I became filled with paranoia that I would have spent so much time but would still end up getting a bad grade. I was right. When I received my paper, I got a 3/9 (a 33%), which was less than an inadequate on the AP grading scale. My heart shattered. I had never experienced anything like this in my life, and everything I had ever done up to this point in my English classes seemed useless.
After we received our papers, she explained to us that we could rewrite the paper and come to tutoring for any extra support. Three days later, and 5 less kids in the class, we were assigned to rewrite the first assignment with the given notes and turn it back in. Her blunt notes asked me “So what was the main point,” “This shows that you don’t understand what this word means,” “Not exactly what happened in this speech,” branching from sections of my paragraph and “You did not address his intent” written largely across the bottom portion of my paper. I assumed with these notes I could receive a better grade, so I decided to not attend tutoring. I turned it in on August 12th and when I received the paper the next day, I got another 3.
As a result, I went to 6 tutoring sessions in 2 months and stayed from 4PM-6PM. Every time I left with a better idea and a new revision somehow, I found myself more confused. She said I had gotten a better idea, but I struggled proving my point and analyzing it. It became a mental struggle for me. I only got A’s in English. I kept thinking to myself “How could I be so dumb? This is supposed to be easy, I should know this.” I became my own worst critic. I anxiously submitted my paper and when I received my score, I had a 6. I ecstatically jumped with my twenty-pound bag on my shoulders. I was finally adequate on the AP grading scale.
As the first quarter was about to end, I still had my chance to rewrite my paper and get my 9. Ten of my peers and I went in for tutoring. This was my last chance to get it right. I stared at my paper like how you would look at someone who seems familiar, but you know they’re still a stranger- confused, but still can’t get your mind off it. Suddenly, I hear noise coming from the window like someone was hitting it with rocks. I look up. It was the rain. As I watched the raindrops drip down the windows, I felt something drip down my face too. It can’t be rain, I’m inside, I thought. Then I realized- I was crying. It was my crying session. After I calmed down, my teacher resumed helping me and just as the sun was setting, and the rain was clearing up- I got my 9/9 on October 8th, 2017.
Ultimately, I realized that my grade didn’t matter- what I learned did. I noticed a major improvement in my writing and a better connection/ understanding with my readings. I began letting numbers determine my intelligence and I shouldn’t have. For the first time in my high school career I was exposed to analyzing, rhetorical strategies, and a different form of writing, there was nothing to feel ashamed about. I gained an appreciation for authors and their work. My relationship with literacy, specifically analyzing, has improved and I have never felt more confident with my work.