Out of place by synai

Out of place by synai - December 2024 Scholarship Essay

When you see no one who looks like you in a space, whether a career field, classroom, or event, you tend to feel out of place like you don't belong. Being the only Black woman in a space is intimidating. If you mess up, all eyes are on you. If you do well, no one notices.
In my experience of being an AP and honors student in a predominantly white high school, I am always one of the only Black kids in that class. While this doesn't surprise me anymore, now there's a sense of responsibility. It feels like I have something to prove to others and myself by enrolling in AP classes and belonging there.
Staying motivated is something I struggle with at times, especially during my time in AP Biology. It was frustrating because I wasn't actually learning the material, but I changed how I studied. I started studying with questions to ask my teacher when I saw him again and taking notes on what he said during the interaction instead of rereading class notes. Then, using the 'blurt method' to relearn topics, I had notes to refresh on topics I was struggling with. Though the pressure can be overbearing, I use it as motivation to do something bigger than myself someday.
This challenge has changed my determination and work ethic. I’ve had to learn to excel within spaces I don't feel represented. Using it as motivation to drive me. Growing up with a lack of diversity has given me an appreciation of the value of higher education and contributing to the excellence of the Black community.