Patiently Riding the Anxious Tide: Discovering Self-Confidence by Thyme

Patiently Riding the Anxious Tide: Discovering Self-Confidence by Thyme - July 2016 Scholarship Essay

I found my hands shaking at an unsteady pace, threatening to drop the papers I held. It had taken weeks to convince myself to even consider getting to this point. Thudding filled my ears with the increased straining of my heart. One glance back at my friends standing across the hallway reaffirmed my decision.
“Is it still ok to turn in entries for the Creative Writing Club?” I asked as I entered the classroom.
My English teacher turned from the whiteboard with a slight look of surprise swimming in her eyes. I felt that same surprise with every moment I stood there, awkwardly clutching my typed-up submission. My eyes darted behind her toward the poster promoting the submission of entries to be considered for the Creative Writing Club presidency.
She nodded and smiled, crossing the room to me. She graciously accepted the writing piece from me, stating how glad she was that I decided to submit something. I sheepishly thanked her and left with a promise of seeing her later.
My fear of insufficiency at the time relaxed when I saw my name typed up with a few others under a bolded “Congratulations!”.
Months later I sat in her office, tears streaming down my face. Senior year and my (then) untreated anxiety had ensnared me in a self-tied net. I expressed my feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate to her for what felt like the millionth time, although I had only done it once or twice before. I spent the entirety of class in her office with the door shut; she came in near the end and sat across from me. We discussed ways to lower my stress and increase productivity in her classroom. She emphasized her belief in me as a student and as a person. I left with vague feelings of relief.
Only a couple of months now stood between me and graduation. While I had gained confidence in some aspects, my self-doubt continued to inhibit my hope at actually being able to graduate. Small assignments became increasingly difficult to complete as my mind warred against itself. Understanding of my capabilities was nowhere near complete or accurate from my biased views.
My teacher bolstered me up once more as she asked me to participate in a poetry reading for an event at the high school. The very thought of public speaking made my stomach clench; however, I agreed and prepared a poem for the night. She suggested a poem which I had received extra-credit on and which later ended up in our school’s annual literary magazine. I managed to read the poem with minimal hand-shaking and stuttering. I received a smile and assurance from my teacher.
Anxiety and self-doubt continued being problems well after graduation; however, these small moments brought enough self-assurance to allow me to make it to graduation. Those moments may have had little to no impact on my teacher, but they continue to stick with and encourage me through rough times. I know I did not make that year easy for her; however, she continued to exude patience and care in her interactions with me. Her belief and hope for me allowed for the slightest seed of self-confidence to nestle in my heart. Continued self-nurturing and growth has created a blooming flower of faith in myself. Her lesson was never stated outright or consciously given; even so, I learned something extremely important. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give others is believing in them. Her continued patience and encouragement managed to completely change me for the better.