Solid Advice by Toni

Solid Advice by Toni - April 2021 Scholarship Essay

What Advice Would You Have Given Yourself Five Years Ago? Why?

Today, I am 28 years old. I am a student in a graduate program at North Park University, in Chicago, IL. I am also a mother of two and a divorcee. Five years ago, I was 23 years old. At the time, I struggled with so much. With postpartum depression, regular depression and anxiety. This came from a lot of things in the past, that I had not addressed at the time. I was abused as a child, a young adult and I struggled with my identity. As a young woman, mother and wife. With that in mind, the advice I would have given myself five years ago. It would have been to STOP, slow down, breath and leave. Leave anything that does not serve you. Leave anything that does not make you happy. Use your voice and most importantly....go see a therapist.

Five years ago, culturally speaking going to a therapist was not popular or the "trend". Despite societal expectations, mental health is a necessity. It is just as important as physical health. The mind controls the entire body. The nervous system is in control of every inch of me. I did not understand how imperative proper mental health was back then. Now at the age of 28, with 30 peeking around the corner, time ticking by slowly but still faster than I can account for....I have lost years of my life to sadness, isolation, depression and confusion. If I could get that time back and love my loved ones, a little longer. Love myself a lot more.

I would enjoy seeing myself blossom in my twenties. While I am still alive and well, I think of all the things I and my family missed out on. I think of what I robbed them of when I did not allow myself the freedom of mental health education. I robbed my children of a happy mother. While they are young and still have me for the rest of their lives. It would have been better for everyone had, I gone to therapy sooner. Now that I attend regularly, I see the difference. I see a huge shift in myself. I am happier. I laugh more, smile more, I even skip randomly sometimes. I have joy in my heart now, or should I say- the joy is free to express itself now.

I love and enjoy how simple life is now that I am over the hill and past the mountains. I can honestly say, that I am free from those things in the past. I now see the possibilities in every new day. The simple pleasures in life are magnified and I feel amazing. As I get older, I think back on all the things that I never spoke about and kept to myself. I feel bad for that person I used to be. The person whose silence protected someone else but was scared to protect themselves. That's a burden that I would love to relieve 23 year old me from.