'Tis better to have loved and lost by Jamie

'Tis better to have loved and lost by Jamie - April 2014 Scholarship Essay

"But it is the nature of stars to cross, and never was Shakespeare more wrong than when he has Cassius note, ‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves.’" John Green boldly challenges the work of Shakespeare, who claims that we are responsible for every mishap in our lives. However, Augustus in The Fault in Our Stars not only taught me that my circumstances, similar to the characters of the book, may not be a result of my own wrongdoing, but that because of the inevitability of death, we need to absorb every minute of life and its pleasures with the people we love most. He helped me through the hardest time in my life, in which my best friend died of cancer like Augustus after living a life with the same perspective as him.

Even from the beginning of the book, I saw strong, almost uncanny parallels between the lives of the protagonists and myself. Though I did not have cancer while both of the protagonists in this story did, Vinnie, already a cancer survivor at age 14, crashed into my life like a wave upon the shore that swept me away with its compelling essence, only to fall back to an endless sea of tragedy. He had a recurrence when he was 16, that killed him the same year. However, Augustus did not look at the inevitability of death as a stolen life (sorry to ruin the end of the book for you), but as an infinity to be continued; the tide comes back in different but still remarkable ways. Though he know that either he, his love, or both of them would die young, he used their compatibility as something to rejoice in and be thankful for, rather than to fear and hide from to save themselves from the inevitable despair of loss. This is a concept that I was not able to understand when I first met Vinnie; he captured my heart with his charm and fearless embracement of life the moment we met. From roses to love letters, this boy tried relentlessly to hold my heart, but was met with fear and therefore hesitation. I feared that if I grew too attached to him, that when he passed I would not be able to recover my strength. Only after I read this book did I realize that relationships are the most precious things we have in this life, and living in fear of loving diminishes the reason for living at all. What Augustus realized is that everyone will hurt you, whether it be by choice or by chance, yet you are the one who dictates who will do so.

What forcing Vinnie out of my life would have done was eliminate the acquisition of a relationship unprecedented by any other I have had thus far; his unconditional love and desire to live his life to the fullest of its capacity superseded that of any other person I have ever met. While Augustus insisted on staring at his girlfriend, saying that he should should not be “in the business of denying [himself] the simple pleasures of existence,” Vinnie took every instant he had, knowing it could be his last, and translated it into a beautiful moment of joy. This concept initially frightened me, as it does many, because I had been taught that I do not have time to take any moments out of my day for the simple beauties of life; my free time is spent preparing for my future. However, Vinnie and Augustus knew otherwise. Vinnie was being recruited by Yale University. Augustus was being recruited by professional basketball teams. However, what distinguished these two from other “successful” people was that their education and preparation did not define them. While it was an important necessity in their life, what really mattered to them was being happy while they could, and spending their free time enjoying themselves.

I have since took their advice; I now use my spare time to prepare for my future, while still enjoying myself with the ones I love. This year, I have been privileged to not only teach, but mentor girls eight years old and younger. Their bright, positive spirits radiate to everyone around them, and I have the honor of helping to shape even the smallest part of their future. While preparing me for a future in leadership, I am also having one of the greatest experiences I have ever had, and helping these girls to have the same. Programs like these, used by many as simple “resume boosters” or time fillers, have created a conduit for me to use my talents and passions to change the lives of my community members for the better. I know that Augustus would be proud of what I have accomplished; he is the one who has inspired it.