Perseverance by Priya

Perseverance by Priya - December 2024 Scholarship Essay

Ever since elementary school, I’ve had this underlying feeling that I wasn’t as smart as the other kids in my class or smart enough to do the work. It always felt like I was levels below the standard. In 7th grade, I completely failed my earth science class, and when I was offered the opportunity to get my grade up by retaking a test, I said no. That’s how bad it was. I felt it would be completely useless because I didn’t know half the material, so why try to learn it now? Completely crazy, I know. But at the time, I had no faith in myself or my intelligence.

That lingering feeling led me to believe I was somehow stupid. For most of my life, I have been made fun of by my peers and friends for this. Often, the jokes were about how “slow” and “dumb” I was because I sometimes took longer to catch on to things people were saying. This became worse in middle school. The jokes cut deeper, and I felt less intelligent than everyone around me. These statements and expressions ultimately made me stop trying in school. I always received bad grades in math and science, my hardest subjects. I approached most assignments half-heartedly and didn’t even try to work through my misunderstandings.

This mindset continued until about 9th grade when my father talked with me about the fact that I have a disability that affects my learning. It wasn't about how “not smart” or “slow” I was. I just had learning challenges and an attention disorder. Although this was first brought up in 7th grade, I never took medication for it, and it was never seriously addressed before. So whenever my parents mentioned something about my attention problems to me, it just went over my head. In addition, it always felt like some people didn’t understand my problems. My issues were rejected by sayings like “You aren’t trying hard enough” or “You need to focus more.”

After ninth grade, however, something changed for me. I started thinking realistically about where I wanted to see myself in life. Although I was not sure in 10th or even 11th grade, I still knew I wanted to succeed at whatever I did. I started to understand how I work best with different spaces and strategies. At that time, I started putting in place goals for myself. The pandemic hit when I was in 10th grade, and I was doing virtual school. Because of that, things changed a lot, and learning became much easier. I had more time to process things, I felt more comfortable asking for help, and overall, I felt more capable of doing the work because I wasn't in such a fast-paced environment. This motivated me to keep up my hard work when I returned to physical school.

Ultimately, I taught myself how to function best using what I already know about myself. I had begun to navigate my brain in a way that would help me be successful in school and other things I did. As I grew and matured, I worked through my attention problems, and my attention span grew a lot longer. Regardless, I still struggle with other things about myself that I do not yet understand. And that’s okay.

Since this transformation, I’ve had the courage and motivation to work towards my academic and personal goals. Making the honor roll and taking an AP class were great moments that contributed to my newfound confidence and success. Even though I still struggle, this long journey has advanced my self-esteem in so many ways. Now, with more clarity and drive, I am the most hardworking and confident version of myself I have ever been.