Think Before You Speak by True

Think Before You Speak by True - December 2024 Scholarship Essay

Since Pre-K, I have followed one rule: think before you speak. I analyzed each word, each sound, and each consonant as if my life depended on it to ensure that I wouldn't get ostracized. For 12 years, I was enrolled in speech therapy, practicing one sound, "r." If you don't know, the letter "r" is in the top percentage of the most common letters used. In this essay, alone, I used it 150 times.
Growing up, I constantly ran through sentences I was going to say, whether it was in school, in front of my family, or in any event that required speaking. I tried my hardest to substitute my vocabulary for words that wouldn't make me feel embarrassed. I prevented myself from raising my hand in class, even if I knew the answer, just so I wouldn't have to say the sounds "or," "ar," "er," "ire," "air," and "ear" in front of an audience. I was self-conscious of my own voice.
This was especially challenging for me due to the fact that I genuinely love to talk. I feel such a strong urge to voice my opinions that I even have full conversations in my sleep. The only place that I could exist without judgment was in my own head, which is ironic because it was the same place that constantly reminded me that I was different from everyone. I would have debates and create stories in my mind because I was the only one who could understand and appreciate every idea or word I uttered. I didn't need to worry about my brain running too fast for my tongue or for the ears of my peers to properly understand every sound; all I needed to worry about was if I needed to add more to my argument to win the fake debate running inside my head, or if my hand needed a break, from writing every thought I was too afraid to speak out loud.
However, going into high school, my attitude shifted. I couldn't hide behind my fear of being shunned. I could no longer choose to participate only in the classes where I felt comfortable. My voice demanded to escape and be heard. I wanted people to appreciate my ideas and add to them. Remembering my love for arguing, even if it was only in my mind, I decided to join my school's debate club. I felt comfort in planning the outline of my argument. In debate, it was encouraged to plan one's every word and predict your opponents' counter-arguments. For an overthinker, this was a haven for me.
Slowly but surely, as we got closer to having an actual debate, I realized that I didn't have enough time to overanalyze how the sounds of my words sounded. All I could focus on was proving my case and just speaking. Worrying if I perfectly pronounced "harbor" had no place on this battlefield. Defending my points and addressing the fallacies in my opponent’s case was all that was on my mind. As I passionately articulated my points, I lost myself in the freedom of being able to speak my mind for once, and to my surprise, I was winning; the girl who was afraid to utter a word was winning! Following this debate, win after win, I found a new sense of confidence; I learned to love my own voice.
If you ask my friends now, they will tell you there isn't a moment that I am not speaking or raising my hand to talk. And even though I found new interests outside of debate, I will never forget how that experience changed me fundamentally. I am no longer the girl who was ashamed of her own voice, who feared the very existence of the letter “r”. I am reborn, rejuvenated, relentless, robust, and more. Now, I don't think before I speak; I just speak.